"Ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking, thank you for joining us. We just took off from the field of crackers... If you look below you now, you'll see the hills of grapes and the rippling sea of meat dotted with islands of grape tomatoes...We're now on top of the village of cheese... Now on the right-hand side the lakes of nuts and on the left, a mountain of foie gras... Lastly, looking to your left you'll see the majestic bottle of Moët's Limited Edition Ice Imperial champagne. Legend has it that the substances contained within the bottle brings unimaginable joy to the drinkers and their palates."

With the absence of the legendarily hospitable Lumiére to present our dinner with deepest pride and greatest pleasure or to be his guest in an epic display of dancing cutlery, we had to make do with stationary plates and Möet champagne.